A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
-- Demetri Martin

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
-- Demetri Martin

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
-- Demetri Martin

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
-- Bill Cosby

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
-- Dave Allen

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn't make me laugh.
-- Eddie Murphy

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
-- Bertolt Brecht

We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.
-- Stephen King

Laughter is higher than all pain.
-- Elbert Hubbard